A Bear. A Bush & Me in Wilpattu

The sandy path is strewn with stones of all sizes. Sunlight streaks the way with yellow, almost illuminated patterns that spread like an artists work across the slightly rough terrain, trees lining both sides of the eight foot wide road stand pasted close together bidding me on. The barks grey and old, yet more beautiful than any pictures I have seen are carved by natures artistic hand. Treetops touching and entwining form a beautiful shady canopy, as if this must be hidden for only the very special to see. I am glad I have discovered its beauty, happy I wandered off the beaten track.

There are a hundred textures and shades of green to the leaves that rustle and whisper as if secretly knowing, I am a newcomer to these jungles and certainly a slightly cautious man, for even as I walk along this path that's straight out of a Walt Disney movie, I am quite aware that dangerous animals roam through this wilderness park, free spirited and untamed searching for plants, berries or ripened fallen fruit for their next meal.
Don't get me wrong, I love being in the midst of nature, untouched my man's hands...yet, the wilderness here does give me a strange mixture of goosebumps and, an adrenaline rush.

You see, you can't be too sure of safety if you choose to walk along hidden paths, forbidden or through what is known as, prohibited areas.

I clutch my phone as a lopsided grin spreads across my face at the thought of me disobeying the laws of this land. I have always been the black sheep of the family. Going that distance runs in my blood. I am aware, I probably come across as reserved, quiet and introvertish...all of which I am but, the 'but'...Yes! Is that...unknown to most I secretly love pushing the metal whenever I can.
The trees move about fifty feet in front of me. I raise my binoculars, strung around my neck to peer through them with intense concentration. Its a black bear. The rather cuddly if not also scary large animal ambles onto the path from behind a large bush. He must have been in the thicket of trees just beyond the path.

Wow! I think, bears do really amble.

My first time witnessing a real live bear. Part of me, the hidden extrovert wants to throw my hands up in the air and yell in glee at this first. My tongue unconspicuously runs over my lips, wetting them...for a second there my thoughts sneaked off to re-live another first. One that did involve a luscious bush quite untamed and some ambling in and out of it by me.
That was quite a first...not just for me. I grin...a grin, that certain people say transforms me into this boyish character I know lives deep inside of me. But today I must be the man I am and follow this bear.
My view through the glass tells me the bear is unconcerned with me walking behind him or else, the scent of me has not as yet reached his nostrils.
The animal is beautiful and looks much smaller on all fours from this distance.
I turn on my iPhone and start filming on 'extra zoom.' This is awesome. It looks like I am about ten feet away, not fifty. I can see the fur and the bears eyes as it turns halfway towards me for a few seconds. Its only a few seconds, not even minutes yet, I can't tell you just how fast my heart starts beating. It sounded like an express train on an old worn-out track.
Phew! Close call but, the bear looks back ahead of him again. He hadn't seen me or smelt a human being daring enough, to walk behind him. He sways his big butt from side to side as he continues on sunlight catching his rounded frame ever so often as it peeps through the trees. I love bears. I love wildlife. But I never thought that one day I'd be on the same road to what looks like nowhere with a bear.

I get enough footage to use for my facebook and instagram accounts, so its back to aimless thoughts and feelings I often cling to whenever I am in pure unadulterated solitide.

I recall a joke, a tease before I left..."What if a bear eats you?"
I grin. Well this bear sure isn't interested in 'eating me'...but that said, lets just thank God for that.

Knowing

Love

Would that you loved me enough to say,
To say it out loud..while we still have the time,
Would that you cared deeply and through...as much as you say you do,
Would that forever will always be available to us...as tomorrow isn't promised, yesterday is but a memory and today is all we have yet...
you challenge not time in the present to open your heart and me, to open mine.

Unspoken

I blink away the smile trying to look serious...yet, my thoughts keep stumbling in. Your face when you smile, your eyes as they crinkle at the corners yet, the way you hold my gaze so strong that turns me on....and those lips I long to kiss.
The water cascades outside my window...the magnificence of the waterfall encompassing the glory of mother nature. The dimming light still reflected in the giant folds of its icy tears as they fall to splash and pool at the base amidst dark boulders and smaller river stones that I capture on my phone camera at every chance I get.
But it's you...
You, I want to capture right now.
You I want to walk right in and...steal my kisses, touch me my hair and hold me close. It's your scent I yearn for and your body next to mine, that makes me blush in this twilight. You that can turn my night to day, my darkness to light and spread my wings and help me fly. You are the one I await with growing impatience. It's you alone I hunger for...in the beginning of this starry night.
You I long for in the minuteness of the vastness of my soul.

Feelings

You made me feel like a million stars
Were shining on my heart
A wondrous sun...So brilliant, now mine
You made me feel like...The world.

Feeling You

I long inside where the rain drops can't hide
Wet as the pouring showers
Drenched to the core with passions yearning to be free...
Holding on to my patience...
Slipping through as daybreak brings a
wanting of sweet ecstasy.

Unspoken

Unspoken

You look at me...just gaze as I try desperately to make out what that look, can mean. Your face is held composed as you know others can see you just as I see you now, looking at me, looking at you.

I try my very best to focus on your eyes and see if I can recognize What it can be looking back at me. The picture isn't as clear as I wish it is yet, I am grateful, happy, beyond words that you chose to let me see you.
I smile as I can see even through your composure, the hint of a smirk on your lips. Your smile makes me smile and...I just keep smiling.
You looking at me and me looking at you.
No words spoken.
No need to it seems, as we gaze at eachother's faces...just faces, being enough.

You are looking at me intently focued on me and as I try to read that look of yours, I realise that I am still smiling.
I must have had this permanent slightly stupid grin on my face all this time.
How obvious!
Can you tell?
Can you read my face, my starry-eyed grin at you?
Can you see my eyes as they wander over your face. Your hair, your lips, your forhead. Can you see me try my level best to see the rest of you that's not visible through this small rectangle.

Can you read me? See through my gaze?

I can't.

I cann't tell for sure. Your gaze is hard to read yet, if maybe I let my guard down and really look I will see YOU and your feelings, just the way it is.
I feel loved by you.
I feel cared for, protected.
I feel heard and listened to.
What I want so much to hear, to feel, to know for certain...
...I can't see as clearly as I wish.

Then its over.
The moment held in time.

I think about it later.
Do you know I think about that moment that gaze...the whole day?

The afternoon...hot and dry follows and I think about that gaze.
The evening comes in and the cool crisp breezes blow and I think about you and the way he just watched me. Just my face.

The evening turns to twilght and I still think about your eyes, your lips, face. The lips I want to kiss so much. Those lips that instill a calm in me even as excitement rises. My heart beating faster my pulse increasing...desire mounting...waiting to be ridden across horizans yet unknown. Moments to be discovered in raw unsatiated passions.

The night covers me like a beautiful blanket and I think about that gaze as your eyes met mine through a barrier that could not stop us from connecting.
I feel you near in my heart, inside of me, in my soul, in my mind.

I know.
And yet, what is it that stops me from believing? Is it fear?
Yes!
The answer is no doubt fear of loving someone too darn much.
I can't admit it.
To admit will be to care fully, to embrace the magic and to let go of a reality I fear.

I smile and feel the warmth of that focused gaze on me.
Yet, I dismiss the assurance I seek and cling to the bubble I live in.

Make believe is so much easir than truth seeking. I must be satisfied with the fleeting hope that all is as I want it to be...and in that moment of uncertainly...I will be certain...
You are mine.

Are We Living in a Matrix?

'Are we for real?'

...or are we as real as Asterix, Spiderman or a pink haired Anime character?

We communicate often but, we have stopped talking.
Phones are priority. Yet, should we really call phones by such a name or ...maybe by something more suitable to the way we 'NOW' use them.

I'd say texotones. Lol!

But jokes apart, this is so dammmn true isn't it? We text to ask shall we call. We text if we can avoid a call. We invite, wish, congratulate and even cry on text.

We have substituted sound for silence and yet, we claim we feel lonely and have no one to share our lives with.

How can we find human company when are our most trusted companions are now small sleek instruments that fit in our back pockets or rest as close to our hearts as possible. We spend all our time connecting via a net we can't see or touch, we devote hours to tiny icons we'd need magnifying glasses to really look at and we watch intently...not the sparkle in the eye, nor the glint of a smile or listen to real love in someone's voice...but, instead those famous...little dots that dance on our screens, as people we say we care about and love so much - text us.

What is the use when people hardly call eachother, hear a voice or listen to the sound of laughter.

Today! Its a silent world.

We are cutting out contact And People are all turning into introverts. We are teaching are children to be isolated. We don't hear the emotion of a tone as a voice sways on certain words. Fail to hear hidden words in a sentence spoken, fail to actually see with our eyes.

We are in a matrix - with make-believe sounds that only we hear but do not share with the other person. Talking in words we type. Stopped using our eyes to see people, nor our ears to hear their voices instead... photos or pics suffice, meet-ups, get-to-gethers, hanging out is less or almost never...we shy away on the claim that we are busy, otherwise occupied and avoid real contact. Touching other humans seemed awkward.

No friendly tap on the shoulder. No punch on the arm, over a joke. No hugs. No kisses. No love shared in a real world, just emojis or stickers that substitute by acting out the movement in animation.
Life is just a 2D game where no one really sees the players. Images are perfected and, freckles erased where once there was. Lips made fuller, hair longer and smiles wider and yet, these smiles don't touch the eyes, make the heart sing or miss a beat.

Life is just a huge lonely game where no one knows the rules yet everyones trying to play harder. Taking too many breaks is a bad thing. Spending real time unnessary and experiencing seeing reactions on a face an inconvenience to be avoided. Pics. Replace real people, emojis are the new expressions, And a kiss is a Gif on a glaring screen of cartoon characters smooching.
A glimse of reality depends on good cams on better phones or textotones (as I think I will call them). Even making love can often depend on just how good your wifi is
...or satisfaction achieved if you have a connection through the best internet partner in town...No! not the man or woman in your life - Oh! No. Human contact has lost its value. 'Touch me now' is just a phrase and 'I love you' are mainly stickers.

The question we need to ask ourselves as each day rushes by is -

• Are we doing this all for us?
• Is this for our kids?
• Will are children really benifit from are mad dash to make more money, get more fame at the sacrifice of 'real' human contact?
• Is this the example we are striving so hard to set, for the next generations to come.

Isolation. Isolation? Isolation!

Yes! Believe it or not we are isolating ourselves. Unhappily behind bright screens creating weaker, more anxiety prone lonely people...pretending its all for the good of a new human race.

I wonder though...how much further will we strive to live alone.

Isolated in places we call home.

I am Lisa Wydeman and if you are on my fb...feel free to call me anytime. Afterall I must try to start to change the world with... me.